Depredation

Go down

Depredation

Post  Celtic on Tue Jul 20, 2010 10:08 am

A short about Chaos, requested by Lewis

Hakrann didn't care for sneaking all this sneaking about. He liked to do his job quickly, messily and loudly. Of course, he didn't exactly want to get detected in here, but stealth didn't come naturally to Chaos Marines.
"Interlock cut" affirmed the techie.
"Right" said Hakrann, "Get in, set the charge, and get the hell out. No pressure. Let's move."
Hakrann forced the metal latch open while 3 other marines pushed the door back to reveal a thin opening. He moved in as silently as he could, stepping through the narrow corridor with as little noise as he could manage, the other 5 members of squad Drakein following suit. As Hakrann moved deeper into the cavern, the low-light sensors in his helmet activated as the light grew dimmer and dimmer. Stepping out of the thin corridor, the squad moved into a huge cave, mostly bare but for metal panels lining the walls. Moving cautiously further into the cave, looking furtively around them all the time, Hakrann glanced at his scanner, taking note of the distance and direction of his objective from their position.

The squad then moved into a second room, not bare like the first, but filled with rank upon rank of what looked like metal skeletons, all arrayed in perfect lines, all deactivated. Realising why stealth was so important, Hakrann continued edging forward past the metal constructs, hoping that they would stay deactivated at least until the squad could exfil once the objective had been completed. Of course, moving quietly in power armour was near impossible, so they didn't even try. All they could manage was treading as gently as possible.
The squad continued along their path, advancing through several corridors and chambers before, finally, the scanner showed Hakrann that they had reached their objective. Looking up, Hakrann took note of a vast translucent metal pillar, green lights inside it flickering and dancing. Even the Chaos Marines were mesmerised by the technology they now witnessed, surely humans could only dream of such engineering.
Breaking out of his state of enthralment, Hakrann ordered the three lesser members of the squad to cover the rear while Hakrann, the techie and the specialist set to work preparing the charges. Working quickly, each was set to detonate on a remote timer, before the techie placed it on the side of the pillar. Once each of the charges had been set, the squad backed away, admiring the construct for a few more seconds before retreating back into the cavern.
After clearing the winding corridors and chambers, squad Drakein finally re-entered the large chamber they had come in by. They stopped dead in their tracks at the opening - each had noticed, with some horror, that every single one of the Necron warriors had completely disappeared. The room was empty. Far too empty for Hakrann's liking. Servants of Chaos feared nothing, but even this was enough to make them uneasy. Hakrann didn't like being ambushed. Which was a prospect looking increasingly likely now that the Necrons were nowhere to be seen.
The squad continued its long trudge through the dark, empty space, heading back for the cavern entrance. Entering the thin rock corridor through which they had penetrated the complex.
Returning to the metal door, finding it closed, the Techie set to work re-opening it so they could escape.
"Get the damn thing open" snapped Hakrann, impatient to leave the cave
"They've re-sealed the interlock, but from the other side. It's hopeless, I can't get through it. We'll have to wait." came the response.
"Emperor be damned." cursed Hakrann. "Right, back into the cavern, we'll have to wait it out inside."

Turning back reluctantly, the squad headed back for the cave for a third time. Once nearly at the entrance, Hakrann noticed the room had been fully backlit, and the entire complex had revealed itself to be a now-fully functioning Necron Crypt. A sharp buzzing could be heard from all directions, as rank after rank of the re-materialised Necron warriors marched forth from the next room, each looking with their cold, dead eyes directly at the intruders.
"OPEN FIRE" screamed Hakrann, letting rip with his bolter. The others needed no encouragement, gleefully opening up on the advancing horde. The specialist had his chance to reap devastation with his weapon, and fired pulse after pulse of plasma energy at the foe, uncaring of its immense heat, laughing manically as he felled them, shot after shot.
This is what the Warp Legion was built for. Destruction., thought Hakrann, as he emptied his bolts into the Necrons. Ranks of the metal beasts were hewed down, but they didn't stop their advance for a moment. As they drew closer, they began to return fire at the intruders, their gauss flayers lashing at the Chaos armour, tearing chunks out of each one, and ripping at the flesh of those encased in them. One of the members of the squad fell to the creatures, his flesh torn and ripped by the terrible weapons. Hakrann continued gleefully firing at the horde, caring not for his fallen comrade, for Hakrann's thoughts were fixed only on reaping death amongst the Necrons that day.

Realising he would certainly not survive, Hakrann switched to his plan B. He continued firing off his bolts in one hand, while in the other he took the remote detonator for the charges. Letting off a harsh cackle with the words, "THE POWER OF CHAOS CANNOT BE DEFEATED!", Hakrann detonated the charges, sending a vast shockwave through the crypt complex. The explosion sent the squad, and indeed the Necrons as well, reeling from the shock. In a few seconds, the next chamber was set ablaze as the explosion reached them. With a final laugh of defiance, Hakrann watched as the flames engulfed him, destroying him and squad Drakein along with the crypt. Mission Accomplished.


Last edited by Black Jericho on Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:46 am; edited 1 time in total

_________________
avatar
Celtic

Posts : 360
Join date : 2010-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Under your bed, breaking wind...

View user profile http://www.sharenator.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Guest on Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:07 am

What about my chaos terminator lord?
or my possesed predator tank?
all that and my legion was PWND!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Celtic on Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:15 am

You could have mentioned that beforehand. If you want i'll work on a part 2 involving those elements.

_________________
avatar
Celtic

Posts : 360
Join date : 2010-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Under your bed, breaking wind...

View user profile http://www.sharenator.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Guest on Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:51 am

Spoiler:
Here is part 2...
as the smoke cleared, kinroth approched the once grand crypt.
his mens teleport beacon were offline meaning one thing, he was on his own.
his terminator armor clanked as he approched the crater.
"foolish Necrons, if only they had known what they had built their pathetic crypt on" thought Kinroth.
As Kinroth approched the crater he saw his prize, in what was left of the power core were two orbs, as large as marbles. Kinroth picked up them both, one was green, one was red.
Kinroth smiled, the sacrifice of his legion was worth the reward he had now obtained.
Kinroth chanted the sacred words, and as he did the green orb vanished in thin air!

Meanwhile in the immaterial realm, Slaanesh grinned. His servant had done well, and he placed a green orb which had appered in front of him on his once empty ring, and Slaanesh felt the power of the "old ones" fill him with rage, and as Slaanesh grew stronger the other gods grew weaker until the other gods were no more!
Suddenly the eye of terror vanished and the deamon worlds surrounding it burst into flames!
as just as quickly the eye of terror had vanished a new one opened over the world of TERRA!

Kinroth had his ship warp as fast as it could to Terra in the hope of being part of the slaughter that would take place.

Meanwhile The Emporer had his remaining primarchs summounded to deal with the imminent threat.
all nine were to be stationed around the emporer in a protective circle.
However as the first waves of deamons burst into the palace there was treachery within the ranks of the primarchs.
Without warning Lion el'Johnson of the Dark angels turned around and drove his power sword down Vulkan of the Salamander throat, and then proceded towards the Emporers chamber in search of the blood which would save him from the others.

Meanwhile on the immaterial plane the emporer was fighting a losing battle against the hordes of Daemons, that were now assulting him.
Then, without warning Slaanesh himself strided upto the Emporer ready to give him the final blow!

Kinroth teleported into the emporers chamber to find the gaurds stationed around him dead and confronting the traitorous Dark Angels primarch.
"Good work, i knew you'd see the truth sooner or later" praised Kinroth.
"I now who is the winning team" replied the truly Dark angel.
Kinroth looked out at the destruction the daemon army was wreaking apon the defencless civilians on the planet, and the old part of him wanted to help, As he thought this he heard a deep voice in his head, it was the Emporers there was no doubt!
and after a minute of staring into space, Kinroth realised what chaos truly was. It was not power or wealth! It was not freedom!

It was death and unending doom!

Kinroth knew what he must do!
he strode over to the traitorous primarch who was sharpening his blade and with one clean sweep, slashed him in half!
He then approched the Emporer and placed in his rotting mouth, the Red orb.
Suddenly the emporers body glowed bright red and then disappeared and within the immiterial the emporer suddenly grew to twice the hieght of Slaanesh as with one clean stroke of the emporers golden blade, ripped Slaanesh in two!

Meanwhile the New warp storm over Terra screamed and then vanished.
and with that all the daemons and all the Daemon worlds exploded in a flash of warp fire, What Kinroth had done, was the total destruction of everything he had fought for, and when the dead bodies had been counted the next morning Kinroth boarded the battle barge "star killer" and left before he could be killed for being a heretic!

As the inquisitors entered the chamber of the emporer, they were shocked to find him regenerated in his old body armour holding a head of a daemonette.

The Imperium was about to leave the dark mellenium of the past and enter the age of "redemption"

thanks for reading!
Lewis

(Edit by Black Jericho: I have put Lewis' little narrative into a spoiler, since he made such a monumental cock-up of it. Further comments concerning the idiocy of this can be read below)

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Celtic on Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:13 pm

Bloody hell, this isn't at all what I had in mind. You've really ruined the plot there, Lewis


Last edited by Black Jericho on Sat Sep 11, 2010 3:04 pm; edited 2 times in total

_________________
avatar
Celtic

Posts : 360
Join date : 2010-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Under your bed, breaking wind...

View user profile http://www.sharenator.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Guest on Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:44 pm

have not!
i just made it more complex and a better happy ending!
it's about time the imperium had some good news!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Celtic on Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:02 pm

There are many stupid errors with consistency, sense, and for good measure, grammar.
The idea is that the imperium doesn't get good news. Your 'Happy ending' makes no sense.
1: at first we start on the world i started on
2: suddenly the emperor has magically been reanimated from his skeletal form and all the loyal primarchs (who were all either dead or lost) show up. This is 'WTF' #1
3: Daemons have no hope of showing up anywhere near Terra, such is the level of psychic warding and defence mechanisms. WTF #2
4: The loyalist primarchs wouldn't have turned on each other even if they were somehow in the same room after 10,000 years of being completely lost. WTF #3
5: Suddenly Slaanesh shows up out of the blue and without any description of any kind is destroyed, even though it is practically impossible. WTF #4
Besides this, there many more errors anybody with a sane mind could spot.

Seriously, you did ruin my story somewhat, Lewis. Can it get into your head that this makes no sense whatsoever, the stuff you've put here simply wouldn't happen under even the most twisted of circumstances your depraved little mind could come up with.
This is why I am closing this thread before it can be ruined any further.


_________________
avatar
Celtic

Posts : 360
Join date : 2010-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Under your bed, breaking wind...

View user profile http://www.sharenator.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Depredation

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum