Space marine commandments

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Space marine commandments

Post  Celtic on Fri May 21, 2010 3:32 pm

Post any commandments you come up with for marines. I've started off here. Enjoy

1. Thou shall not enter an arm-wrestling competition while wearing a powerfist.

2. Thou shall not make mouth sound in place of firing thy plasma weapon. (You are not fooling anyone.)

3. Thou shall not go nude under thy power armor. (The Emperor can see your shame.)

4. Thou shall leave all sniper rifles and shotguns in reserve for the newbies. (Unless you want to be called a camper and a noob.)

5. Krak grenades are not to be wasted on enemy infantry, even if it is fun to watch them run around trying to get it off.

6. Thou shall not use a thunder hammer for cracking walnuts.

7. Thou shall not jettison thy battle brother into the void of space as a practical joke (any more).

8. Thou shall not place kick me signs on the back of our dreadnought brothers. (We want to keep foot injuries to a minimum.)

9. Thou shall not refer to the tech marine as nerd, the librarian as book worm, or the chaplain as that wordy bitch who’s always talking.

10. Thou shall not fill the vindicator’s demolisher cannon with chocolate and fire it as a peace offering. (After all, there is no peace.)

11. Thou shall not fill the rhino with water, heat it with a flamer, and open the top hatch to create a make-shift hot tub.

12. Thou shall not ask for the story behind rule 11. (A truly tragic tale)

13. All the cool kids are doing it, is not a valid excuse to worship Chaos. (If they don’t like you for who you are, then they probably weren’t your friends in the first place.)

14. Thou shall remember to eat well of thy awesome sauce.

15. Thou shall not jump onto our dreadnought brothers and yell out “giddy up!” (They have feeling too you know.)

16. Thou shall not break wind into another brother's helmet respirator

17. Thou shall not fire grots out of missile launchers towards dartboards

18. Thou shall not urinate into another brother's power armour

19. While taking landspeeder pilot training, thou shall not be tempted to pull sharply up on the pitch while shouting "wheelie!"

20. Thou shall not waste flamer fuel on toasting marshmallows

21. Thou shall not apply superglue to a brother's codpiece

22. Librarians shall not use their powers to toast sammiches

23. While coming in via a drop pod, thou shall not sing: "Stop the pod, i need a wee-wee!"

24.Thou shall not use a chainsword as a back-scratcher

25. Thou shall not use a land raider to pick up battle sisters

26. Thou shalt not transmit images of unclothed Sisters through the Astropaths

27. Thou shall not piss on the sergeant's power sword

28. Thou shall not jam a cork in the sergeant's plasma pistol

29. Thou shall not attempt to use insect repellant against nids

30.Thou shall not use Lasguns as laser sights for thy Bolters

31. The lab research tyranids arn't for emergency rations

32. Thou shall not smack a sister's arse then wink at her

33. Thou shall not draw a penis onto the sergeant's armour

34. Thou shall not play "tip the terminator" during battle

35. Thou shall not refer to rhinos as 'pimp wagons'

36. Thou shall not use a chainsword to open a tin of baked beans

37. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings

38. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own Gene-Seed"

39. Thou shall not challenge a brother to a drag race with land raiders

40. Thou shall not stick signs reading "Honk if you think i'm sexy" on sisters' backs

41. Thou shall not honk if you see one of the aforementioned signs on a sister's back

42. Thou shall not refer to the dark eldar as "kinky"

43. Thou shall not put a “Purge me!” sign on the back of the Chaplain’s armour

44. Thou shall not train a Hormagaunt to be a watchdog

45. Thou shall not put replace a space wolf's beer with strengthened red bull - it will not give them wings

46. Thou shall not ask two sisters to mudwrestle

47. Thou shall not throw a warp-beast a dog biscuit

48. Thou shall not challenge your fellow brothers to a game of punt-the-grot

49. Thou shall not replace a brother's live ammunition with tampons - vice versa applies to sisters - the results of this isn't amusing

50. Thou shall be noticed if you 'borrow' the grand master's equipment

51. Thou shall not shine a lasgun in a guardsman's eye

52. Thou shall not feed excessive amounts of LSD to grots and see what happens

53. Playing naughty movies in your Power Armour’s Autosensors is not sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes

54. Thou shall not use a terminator's teleport homers to teleport into the sister's showering facilities

55. Thou shall not staple a grot to the underside of a sentinel before it fights tyranids

56. Thou shall not refer to the machine spirit as "cruise control"

57. Thou shall not challenge a terminator to a game of twister

58. Thou shall not ask sisters if they are interested in a hand-portable "vibro-cannon"

59. Thou shall not see how far a chainsword will go up a scout's arse

60. Thou shall not plug the rhino's smoke launchers with fireworks
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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Cat =^.^= on Fri May 21, 2010 3:39 pm

you copied them off of my post :S
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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Celtic on Fri May 21, 2010 3:41 pm

no josh, i didn't. I spent ages coming up with quite a few of my own. then you copy & paste an entire fucking page, presumably without reading most of them. Well i have, and a lot of them aren't funny. You can shove your post up your arse
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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Cat =^.^= on Fri May 21, 2010 3:42 pm

your so getting banned Razz
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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Celtic on Fri May 21, 2010 3:45 pm

is that the best you can come up with?
you can't comprehend how pissed off i am with you. I spent over half an hour on my post. You spent about 6 seconds, without reading any of it. Evil or Very Mad my own work is worth a lot more than c&p work from someone else
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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Cat =^.^= on Sat May 22, 2010 1:38 pm

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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Celtic on Sat May 22, 2010 1:56 pm

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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Skirax on Sun May 23, 2010 12:26 am


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Re: Space marine commandments

Post  Azron on Thu May 27, 2010 1:03 am

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